In between boredom and moments of absolute terror at work I have taken to writing ads, rants and raves at craigslist.org. I post these at random cities around the world so linking to them wouldn't be much fun. Ultimately, it would be fun to have one listed on The Best of Craigslist but it's not likely at all that this will happen...they just aren't that good...fun, yes good no. But at any rate you might get a chuckle or two and they aren't too long and for the most part SFW. So the first two installments tonight...

YMMV

I Failed It rather badly in the WFC4 contest. But the stories were fun to read and I had fun writing my two.

of a so-called Fall day---90+ F (33 C).

the water boil, the paint dry, the cat lick his fur, the cactus grow, the computer screen, the mountains, the TV, the road i'm driving on, the water run, the dirty dishes, the unmade bed, the bathtub ring, the dust in the corner, the alley, the moronic savant, the bad movie and the cat's eyes...

Idea: This came to me immediately; variation on the theme of "The Fantastic Voyage".

but came across it again today. I still like it...

Oh God said to Abraham, "Kill me a son"

December 1969, The Great Plains -- The three of us stand in the wind, together on the highest place we can find. For me it is a sacred place. We are very serious about what we are about to do, Steely had talked a lot to us about his plan. The great idea came to Steely one night on an acid trip. It's funny but on the way from the ranch house Steely nervously jokes about his plan. Steely is especially determined and serious. I can tell. I know I couldn't do this. He is my friend and I choose to stand by him.

"OK, I'm gonna do this now."

His face looks strained and scared. Steely next inserts the rim fire .22 cartridge into the single-shot bolt action rifle. So, with a lot of thought, Steely lowers the rifle, "shit..." he mumbles.

In the distance, I notice smoke and steam boiling off the distant Kremlin,OK coke plant. The late afternoon is quiet,clear and freezing cold. The three of us pan the horizon together, Steely grimaces, He points the rifle barrel at his foot.

Then... BANG! The report of the rifle echoes, makes the three of us jerk and look down at the ground.

I wake up on the desert floor next to the Rio Grande. The real monsters created on earth are insects. One of them is crawling across my face. Yuck! A fucking vinagaroon! Hell on earth in miniature. These creatures will make you crap your pants in a second.

Not only that but the vinagaroon is pissed off because I woke up and scared him. As a result, it has sprayed my face with this awful vinegar smell!

"Goddammit, son of a b...."

"What the fuck?" yells the Pirate, himself now pissed off after being awakened.

I wanna get sick. I immediately jump into the river and wash my face and laugh while the others start getting up and out of their bags.

My sleeping bag smells like vinegar as I roll it up. Its ruined and I can never get the smell out again.

We are going up to the top of Mariscal Mountain to see a pair of nesting peregrine falcons a rare and beautiful sight in 1980. Along the way we plan on high jacking a few peyote cactus for our last night visiting our friend.

We are told by the National Park HQ that it will be in the 90 F degree range today (32+ C degrees) but the morning chill and the wonderful vinegar smell floating in the air, makes me wonder I even decided to do this. I know why the Pirate talked us into this. I still feel like puking.

I will be mailing to those that requested a postcard first thing in the morning. So you should be receiving them soon.

I bought a bunch and I have 5 more left. They are beautiful cards from the area I live and are a good quality. So anyone else that wants one of these let me know. Just PM me with an address.

Until you receive your postcard from me, you should check these out...honest

PostSecret

I ran the story through the washer with bleach, so for laughs here is the new version. I couldn't get all the stains out tho. :)

She Had Teh Dreem

She had a bad dream. He laughs it off. They both get naughty.

The Dream

"God damn it! I had that fuckin' dream again last night!" the Wench tells me.

Surprised at her outburst, I ask calmly, "Which dream?"

"Oh, it's the one where I am giving my cousin a blow job, you know...when I was six-years-old."

It's a dream where she is in a bedroom with her cousin. Behind her in the living room her mother is vacuuming. The bedroom door is open. The first time the Wench tells me the dream, I make light of it.

"Really...?" I ask her, not giving it much thought.

We all know how dreams are. Dreams play with our minds, tickle our thoughts and sometimes puzzle us.

We both laugh and have sex.